Day 678 – marginalizing my schizophrenia

 

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Living with schizophrenia you soon find yourself in the … rather marginalized parts of society. Or to me this seems like the overall picture and something we all would like to change and heal. But when the overall old establishment is only triumphing away with its insane money system, stress, ignorance, fear/ war systems, abuse etc…  then that is what you get. You get addictions, crime, escapism, drama and psychosis and suffering , from how the old money system is rigged and corrupt to the core and beyond.

Notice that this is all traced back to each and every one of us the way we live our lives according to our very own : mind consciousness system – inn lack of self responsibility, self honesty, real love etc…. the mind consciousness system eats you raw and that is all how we are programmed  – to suit into the system – to like it,  accept it and applaud it. We are forced to like it and approve it from our upbringing and our programming and schooling – because hey: our parents did not know any better either. They where programmed to. There are solutions to this mind consciousness / maze we are inn – if you ask me I would share solutions with you. The solution is you.

 

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2003. I have later studied and understood that I was born with schizophrenia. That is my reality. This is more and more accepted particular in USA  – the blueprint land. The fact that I thought of suicide at age 13 had to come from somewhere and I have traced it back to my conceiving, and my reincarnation process/ my creation – when I was just a fetus. Math of me. I could share a world with you if you care to listen. Things are not what they seem.

 

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In my 20’s and 30’s I would search high and low for that community and that place to find shelter and care  and compaction, hope, honesty  to be able to live my life with my diagnosis and my experience and my many emotions. I would go into drugging and drinking and the …again marginalized part of society to find meaning and serenity and sanity. When I say the marginalized parts of society I mean the types of places like culture houses, hippie collective, people and institutions that are outside of the ordinary govern-  mind  money rule system of enslavement.

And we do need such places. Such places of anarchy (the perfect order) and a safe haven for so many people.

I could physically not accept that old system of banks, police and govern  – mind etc… It was impossible to me to live with them or should I say according to them. I would oppose them with my everything. Later I learned to trace the origins of these authorities within myself and my mind. All the bullshit/fear/abuse that we see around today, us is traceable back to our mind consciousness systems and our accepted and allowed programming.

I am currently working on establishing self authority. It is all a process to be walked; I welcome you to join me.

 

The ordinary life of .. suppression, ignorance and over all traditions and consumer culture, money system, mass media … you name it.. I had had enough of it. I refused to accept it and I refuse still. I am a politician and so are you : so we damn best live up to it for the  coming generations.  So I would search alternative ways to live. This have led me down many a path, not always safe and sound with what I was getting into still I did it to survive. I would live my life with several addictions and constant suffering and drama where ever I went. I was living like a rocker or a outcast. It was my way of surviving. I was dirty poor, addicted and practically dying or dead from all my voices, and my suffering of mind and body.

From this low down hard lonely and frozen place I was able to hear a message. The desteni message. This was coming through to me in 2010 / 2011. In 2012 I started to walk my process. I committed to the desteni I process. I can tell you for sure that my process have been quite a ride. I am working on my balance with my previous many addictions. I would push myself to reach for that self honest and that realness. To be my own authority. To be directive with myself. I have been on brink of crawling back into myself and into psychosis many times – breathing and grounding myself as breath have helped me many times to stabilize/ground myself. It have been quite a process. From where I was it could almost only go one way. I was so way down dirt and dying. I was at bottom. No questions about it. I could only improve my life from where I was. At desteni you get the truth. There is hardly sugarcoating at all. You are told things that might be painful and disturbing,  but you realize within the core of your being that it is real.  It is best to be told truth on this side of life, because we don’t know what is expecting us on the other side. Best to deal with all the components here in real time. I started to walk my process, and I would evolve and improve my living from day to day. I would have my drivers license back, I would go to work, I have written several hundred blogs about being me with schizophrenia (schizoaffective). I have about 80 vlogs on youtube about my process that I have been walking, with desteni. I have about 20  tracks on soundcloud where I explain my walking and my point of view. Similar on Mixlr.

 

So, I have risen from the ashes, like phoenix the bird. I have gotten myself into the rooms where the new psychiatry and drugs treatment is happening. I make myself heard, with my experience. I am discovering my own directive principle. I am discovering to be the best version of myself that I can be. I am discovering words, to be responsible.  I am discovering to be self honest. I am learning  to  be a leader. I am discovering self discipline and virtue.

I am like a child again.  Because with desteni I process I learn to take away the  energies and the psychology that are holding me back from life !

 

My process right now is about my be – lie – ve within  a perceived righteousness programming and elements within myself. This might sound  strange to many, but I can repeat that. A be – lie  – ve system/complex of seeing myself as superior or moralistic over others/life and having this perceived righteousness as my bother/pain (this construct is a actual pain within me). You don’t find this in  doctors office… only at desteni do we go so deep within the human mind and consciousness experience – and bring it back into physicality and practicality. All of it. Into living words and applications.  Oneness and equality.  It is with accuracy, self honesty and responsibility, I am able to direct myself to share this with you from my walking.

This is who I am today spring 2016 – walking out of be – lie – ve / perceived righteousness. How are you doing yourself ?

 

morningsurf

“morning surf”

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2 thoughts on “Day 678 – marginalizing my schizophrenia”

  1. Yes to your marginalization of the label of schizophrenia, constructed to serve doctors and masters, not you,Tormod, or the many other young, sensitive persons so labelled. I’d like to see that stigmatizing label kicked off all the books and good riddance to the whole shitty, unscientific, invalid construct of schizophrenia. Yes to human rights and being as alive as you are, Tormod, to oneness and equality. Thank you!

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