First I give you this disclaimer. I am not a doctor. If you are experiencing or dealing with schizophrenia, please talk to a doctor, as it is a serious illness.
I wanted to write a blog, but I don’t know exactly what to write about. I would like to share my experience of growing up and growing into my schizophrenia.
I can recommend this video of childhood schizophrenia
I was born summer of 1978, I grew up living with both my parents, my 3 years older sister and later my two younger sisters, in rural Norway. We had a dog and we have 2 sheep’s, and sometimes we had cats. We had animals like a hobby. My parents where both loving caring ordinary people with work in public sector. On surface my life was ok. But within, my mind was eating me up. I was more and more suffering from emotions and issues.
I would feel very physical, how my mind, and my mind conscious system was haunting me, swallowing me, when I was a young boy 5, 6, and 7. You see, the schizophrenic mind is rigged differently than other people’s minds. Particular with some hooks, to attract emotions. Some hooks are places on the mind that force me attached to emotions. I would live my life being 6 years old and literally see my mind and these hooks creep up on me. It was a nightmare. Dreadful hooks forcing me to attach to the emotional parts of myself and my world. Growing into schizophrenia.
I clearly remember playing outside my old home, and I would start having these horrible, fearful thoughts, and pictures in my mind. This was my schizophrenia catching up with me and driving me into suffering.
Today I have cleared of most of these hooks from my mind. They are no longer a big problem to me. There are somethings that make me different to others, like my sleeping and my need for medication, but I now have a way much better life. Thanks to self forgiveness and self correction, self responsibility, self honesty, a team of support, doctors support, nurse support, parent and family support, and own efforts. Tools from desteni.
If you genuinely care about schizophrenia, check out this interview.
My life today is about figuring out how my life can be as good as possible. Figuring out how to support myself and figuring out how my life can be as healthy and sane as possible.
But important to understand my childhood and adolescent years was dreadful when I compare myself to others and when I am really honest about my past and my mind. My life was not a happy life. And that is important to understand with schizophrenia that yes it is over – weight of emotions, voices, stress, thoughts, issues, friction, conflict etc.
My life today, having walked almost 4 years in process walking every day from consciousness to awareness and, from archaic to holistic thinking. My life have changed soooo much and I have reduced my schizophrenia to a bare minimum of what I practically and physically can.
Walking my desteni i process have proved to be the best decision I have ever made. I limit my schizophrenia and focus on living my life to its fullest potential.
If you have any questions or comments, please leave me a comment or contact me. I would be glad to assist. The links in this post is of high value.
What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.
– June Roca
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to let my schizophrenia take me over.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be directed by schizophrenia.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to be sick because I have schizophrenia.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my mind is sooo much more different and special since I have schizophrenia.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am one of a kind and special since I have a mental illness, and for thinking that I need special therapy and help because I have schizophrenia.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my schizophrenia more room that what it needs.
When and as I see myself giving my schizophrenia power over me, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I should not give my schizophrenia power over me. I realize that I have a responsibility with my schizophrenia and to live in such a way that it is not dominating me. I realize that I should not be that concerned about my schizophrenia, and rather focus on how to support myself the best way to live and heal.
I commit myself to live my life as best as I can with the tools of support that I can give my life.
me with one of my paintings
thanks for reading