Day 611 – Personality of witnessing old friends giving into drugs and death.

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I have lots of friends in the “camps” drugs and death. And very many of them are living in sever addiction and inn lots of suffering and emotional drama.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into a personality of feeling obligated to visiting and spending time with old friends from psychiatry and drug relations thinking I can take on their problems, thinking I can help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my purpose as to change psychiatry and within this feel like I would need to visit my old friends to keep up to date or to simply live as I preach, like I have said enough times before, they must now help themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed, thinking I am loosing them when they will not listen to commons sense, or my words of guidance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture myself as this saint or Jesus/guru to save them from suffering, failing to realize I am giving into the limitations of hope and fewer chances in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this positive polarity personality play out like thinking there is hope or thinking they might one day recover, and heal from addicting failing to realize that they have to pull it through themselves it is do – or die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am only limiting them by paying them visits, providing them with the falseness of hope, and I should quit this, to help them realize they must help themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the negative polarity, where I witness lots of them dying and committing suicide and simply ending up in severe addictions for instance heroin, where I would blame myself thinking I have failed as a friend for not caring enough for them and for not being there enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into thoughts to this negative polarity of witnessing the suffering and dramas around heroin and alcohol addiction that is very hard on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a lot of harshness trying to find some way out for them and to help them, trying to show them way out of their addictions, where I feel lost and exhausted, realizing it is not easy to help people that are so badly addicted and in such suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek communities and gatherings where there is openness and sharing around drugs and its drama, like NA and AA. (Narcotics anonymous and alcoholics anonymous)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I do not want to be addicted to either hope or heroin, not for myself or for others at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to visit some of my old friends since they are so deeply involved with abuse and additions, where I let this bring me down, and I go into depression and fear of how my life used to be, as I take on my friends problems of addiction and suffering, simply making the problem larger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I will have to leave some of my old friend since they refuse to snap – out of their abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that new ways will open up to me and I will discover new doors to new chances and opportunities as long as I do not limit myself with for instance hope (or dope).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will feel bad for leaving my old friends behind, and thinking of myself as some sort of Judas for not supporting them with the false flag of hope or anyways else support them with money or my company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have given so many chance to these different characters that I will now have to let them go and not to go into grief and sorrow from leaving them behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find excuses to visiting some of these people, out of ego thinking I can be their savior and their guru/Jesus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still want to fight for legalizing drugs and helping them out as group in society but I can no longer just hang out with them as misery is all I see with them, and I feel a fear to be dragged into misery/addictions myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whiteness and see myself going into pieces and simply dissolving within my inner demons of pitying the drug abuser, seeing myself in my past in agony simply facing total burn out and depriving state of being from taking on their misery to myself.

Self corrections to be lived:

When and as I see myself thinking of any of my old friends that I know is struggling with drugs or alcohol addiction, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I take a deep breath. I realize that only one self can help self out of sickness and addiction. I realize that there is practically nothing I can do to help and prevent them from going under. I realize I have done what I can to try to help them.

I commit myself to focus on myself and my process in my life and to not get involved with too many drama or connection to my old friends. I commit myself to not be dragged into providing them with hope or to be a sort of “nanny” to them. I commit myself to break bonds with such old friends, instead of acting like a nanny to them. I commit myself to let them sorts out their own shit – of face consequences. I will not spend more time being bothered by their misery and addictions. Enough is enough. I will not let them drag me with them into the dirt no more.

Check out the links & have a nice day !

Yo listen : https://eqafe.com/

The platform of all the fun: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk: http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lets walk the easy first: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

The program: http://livingincome.me/

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