Day 599 – Personality of marijuana addiction a – dick – to – john (self).

I realize that I have urges to smoke marijuana these days. I have this deep down urge to smoke weed and escape from myself and reality, and responsibility. I feel a long to the days when I would be practicing smoking weed. I realize that I have been fucking myself so long with a – dick – tion (addiction) up my ass, so much that It is hard to quit.

Here is a excellent interview on smoking weed: https://eqafe.com/p/life-review-my-life-as-a-weed-smoker

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would need to smoke marijuana because that would make me more popular artist within pictures, drawing and making arts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would become more creative with arts from smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use marijuana to be able to talk more free and further explain myself when my chemical drugs heals and helps this ability much better that the weed will ever do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have schizophrenia and since that I would need drugs to heal me, thinking I could need marijuana to support me through my challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would need marijuana to have quiet and peace within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to escape my own reality and my responsibilities in my life and thinking I would have to escape this by taking marijuana because I would not dare to face myself and my responsibilities in my everyday life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I would fear to embrace myself and my past and responsibility and long from marijuana to escape from this responsibilities within my life and my being and my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would like to have one more joint in my life to escape just one more time through the matrix of weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find peace and longing to the matrix of smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought: “I am special so I should be allowed to smoke weed”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would need to smoke weed to be accepted and included within certain people in certain places and to feel welcome, I would have to smoke weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that since some Mormons used to smoke weed before eating dinner, I would like to do the same in order to create excuse to smoke more weed and to further fuck myself, with a – dick – tion up my own ass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that with certain people I would be known like “he who smoked a lot of weed” or “he who got psychotic from smoking weed”, and for thinking I should smoke weed because of this old reputation of mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that to listen to a certain kind of music I would have to smoke weed to genuinely hear the music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking I am missing out on something from not smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my per scripted drugs is not getting me high or into a escape so I would need weed or hajjis to really feel like flowing away and out of my mind and into a drug/high reality.

Self corrections to be lived:

When and as I see myself ending up longing and wanting to smoke weed. I stop myself. I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that smoking weed is simply a escape from reality and responsibility. I realize that smoking weeds are, simply a way to escape from situations, within myself that I hold a energetic relation to. I realize that smoking weeds have been simply a excuse to not be responsible and I should investigate this energies and find out how to solve such a issues/energies. I realize that I would need to investigate my energies that I hold within myself so that I can forgive the energies, and let go of the situation and move on through that situation and without tripping over the energies/wires. I realize that weed can get me addicted (a dick up my ass) if I start it again and I further realize that the designed drugs that I take now, is far much better and more advanced. I commit myself to investigate where there is energies compressed and energies tangled up within, to forgive it and solve it. I commit myself to move past old obstacles of energies and to clear out my past so that I do not feel the urge to have weed. I commit myself to take my drugs that is per scripted from my doctor, and to get my life back on tracks again. I commit myself to investigate all the sources to what I would like to smoke again and to clear out the energies. I commit myself to live my life without the addictions (a – dick – to – myself) of weed. I commit myself to let myself be healed by my per scripted drugs.

When and as I see myself thinking that one more hit of marijuana would be nice just that one more blow of weed, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I do not need one more blow of weed because I would the simply want one more and one more after that, and all of a sudden I am fucking myself with a – dick – tion again. I realize that I should trust the per scripted drugs that I get from my doctor. I realize that I should be safe and sound within my trust of medication that I take. I commit myself to let my per scripted drugs do its works on me. I commit myself to clear out any energies that I might find about, smoking weed and about smoking drugs. I commit myself to work through the dimensions to solve my mind and my addictions (the dicks up my ass) to weed and hajjis.

Thank you for reading.