Day 597 – Off the grid – personality

Off the grid – personality

Obsessed with alternative living.

 

I realize that I have been living a obsession out of wanting to find myself living in “alternative” style. Living of the grid and being in contact with nature.

Wanting to be free and nude. Wanting to have nature as God. Desire for physical challenges and to prove myself as anarchist/artist/shaman.

I would desire to be in nature and to live of the land.

I will forgive myself for the energies that are enslaving me to this personality.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as this creature that wants to roll around in the dirt and by doing that thinking to myself that I am saving rhinoceros or inn anyways doing good/being “Go(o)d” in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about doing that I can only do that at alternative places in Norway like place A, or a ecological place, city area, or free – havens of where I feel free, and most likely where I have been smoking drugs in my past and I would long for this relief/high from this place in my memories and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I would be looking at where I had been smoking drugs and longing back that “a all time high” feeling that I felt was lying there in that moment waiting for me. I would be searching for this one place or memory of smoking drugs in places and longing back to that situation to do it – again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become quite obsessed with nature and, I have been quite taken by my idea of having nature healing me, and how I would think of myself as this rainbow warrior/schizophrenia and dances/artist that needs his drugs (weed) and that needs his environment and his rules of ego and person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as this shaman that is obsessed with nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I realize that this personality that I have been feeding my energies have been a very egoistic one, like I wanted to run naked and be the natural man/Adam personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a nature man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a natural man / Adam to prove that he “Adam” from the Bible was a demon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my thoughts of sex and sexuality would be liberated and my emotions to be washed away if I was nude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t become so obsessed with living running around creating in nature, crating this false ideas and living in energies in my mind over – thinking that I must be in nature to be sane and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how it is based on ego and lies and obsession with being a shaman/crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spin around in loops over how I would think that I am crazy I have to live crazy and over think and create a headache with how I would think is best for me to live totally and only in energies not making it practical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I think of myself as this last shaman/schizophrenic that is set to save the world by going back to nature. Failing to realize that this is how I eventually die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how going back to my roots and returning to soil/physical, I fail to realize that I am running from my responsibilities and from my reality and my life, and by dreaming about this return of myself at these places. I realize that I cannot live with this obsession. I have to forgive it. Let it go and be realistic and make my “energy – game” practical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am the last shaman on earth that would need to be brought back to roots/physical/death/reincarnation/higher dimensions, and I would think to myself that I need to be brought back to earth and matters to be that for filling this dream of going back to life as hemp/cannabis plant – nonsense that I think to myself that is totally gibberish and irresponsible reincarnation thoughts, failing to realize that reincarnation no longer takes place, with humans, within existence and within dimensions, reincarnation are off – this is it we have to do out very best for the best of all mankind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mission is not done until I lay my own body in the soil and I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel all like I am this god – like person that needs everyone to listen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my experiences of living in alternative places as negative and bad experiences.

When and as I see myself going into this energy state and I become obsessed with going into nature and being within nature and to be like a anarchist out there in the woods. I stop myself , I slow myself down,  and I breathe. I realize that there is nothing wrong with being in nature. I realize that I would maybe judge my old self from being inn nature and remind myself of my past and my thinking of being in nature that would be reminding me of how bad human treat nature and I would feel guilty and I would think I would need weed to heal this guilty feeling. I commit myself to enjoy nature and to be myself free with self honesty in nature. I commit myself to spend time in nature and to enjoy myself in nature. I commit myself to make my game practical. I commit myself to live what I preach. I commit myself to live my life in self honesty for what is best for all.

Investigate life : http://desteni.org/

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