Day 595 – Personality of hidden desire

Personality of hidden desire


I see that the last week or maybe somewhat longer, I have sort of slipped into this desire of looking at girls on the streets. I would be looking at girls bodies, starting from a positive polarity point, and I would be getting into desire within myself flowing with the positive energy, careless. I would be taking in the picture to my mind and suppress it and store it, within my body. Later on this hidden and often suppressed pictures/desires creates backchats that go way down to negative polarity within me, and is brought up to surface and into life from thoughts in my head. When I take on the slightest or negative of personality, stress within my living with this experience of looking and girls and going into mind, I go into my secret mind/ self sabotage and I go into dirty talk and dirty words of sex and body/pictures from my starting point of looking at girls on the streets that have such and such bodies. Making the slightest judgment of the girls as they walk or I see theme any way and I go into, thinking that she is like this or like that and if I am unable to bring this up within myself in self honesty, it is suppressed and it turns naughty/negative on me later. This is my personality of dirty talk and naughtiness within my, self sabotage and from suppressed thoughts and pictures starting with sight of the body of girls on the streets.

The positive polarity of this personality would think like, “oh what a nice body”, “you look nice” and “you look gorgeous” and so on, “go on with your charm”, within chit chat on my positive polarity. My negative polarity would on the other hand go into these naughty and dirty thoughts, from the same construct, of polarity, simply from how I am programmed to look at everything from online pictures of Paris Hilton or Beyonce or H& M commercial or other emotionally triggering posters and pictures in my world. Shit around us that trigger abuse and crime.. Very, very, very obvious, and deliberate. Crime. But we accept this in society and much, much worse than I am mentioning here. So I am there for writing this to say that we can live within this world without thinking dirty only because you see a girl in short pants, or a lady with big breasts. It is possible to live together without going into lowdown dirty porn and abuse. So the porn and H & M – lie full and deceptive pictures and emotionally triggering data, have to go bye – bye. Within this negative or inferior programming and construct I would also go into self judging. I would judge myself for looking at girls and seeing pictures of sexual suggestive materials in society and online.

I also realize that within my body there is this area of myself where I hide old sex stories of former girls friends, and memories of them. I realize that I go into this area of my body, and dream myself away with the specific girl, acting carless and irresponsible with myself, simply living and indulging within a memory.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge within my memory of old girlfriends and create this alternative reality out of living within the memories of having sex with girls from my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judging over this relationship within my physical and these energies that is stored within my body that I need to let go of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into chit chat and small talks in my head on seeing girls on the street and going into desire and going into positive energies and dreaming away in erotic thoughts thinking I could be with the girls, dreaming away, careless, in fluffy feelings of positivity, totally riding the positive energy train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act irresponsible with myself and for acting careless with simply riding the positive energy train without consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the negative polarity at the same time that I give into the positive, with how I create naughtiness words and dirty talk within my secret mind and my negative polarity later on making my life hell with certain voices in my head, and dirty talk within my secret mind and my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed having personalities fighting to be in charge and creating voice and backchats within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad from going into desire and chit chats and backchats over this desire that is hidden within me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to judge myself and further suppress the pictures and ideas of sex and sexuality creating a endless pit of sorrow and negativity within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if girls are dressed in a sexual explicit way they fail to be responsible for themselves, because according to peoples (mostly men) programming of sex and culture, meaning that if you wear a miniskirt and bikini in town, you are deliberately tempting sex offenders, that are more and more often programmed in this world from especially porn, programmed into sex monsters and offenders. People must be aware of this and be responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look back at my former sex addiction and think that now I can spell out it clear words to myself, slow myself down, and direct myself, what this is like, because I have gone past that life and living in addiction and into reality, and commons sense and responsibility.

When and as I see myself noticing a girl’s body on the street. I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that if I suddenly notice something about a girl I must direct myself slowly and safely move within and stop that thought and that train in my head. I realize that I must say within myself self forgiveness for the thought and the emotion that comes up. I realize that a good way to prevent this is to slow down and take it very, very easy, so I am not surprised by a girl’s body at all. I realize that I can still dance and sing and have fun even though I take it more slowly. I realize that some girls dress in ways to trigger such reaction with men and that is dangerous. Perhaps without knowing without awareness and perhaps under influence of alcohol. It is still their own responsibility and there are more and more men that end up like sex offenders. I commit myself to slow down when I am in public places. I commit myself to take life more easy and to forgive within if react into girls in public. I commit myself to work through self forgiveness on removing such personality that would allow to flow and go with such translated energies as of sex/dirty talk/voices in the head. I commit myself to leave behind, calm and in slowing down, this personality of hidden desire. I commit myself to live real life and express instead of going into separation of desire.

When and as I see myself going into this particular place within my body, and I feel like this urge for energies or desires. I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that this part of my body is where I would find my secret desires and my hidden lust sort’o speak. I realize that this part of me lets me know through numbness, that It would like attention or it would need to be looked at matters within my desires or be sorted out and forgiven. I realize that I can heal myself with self forgiveness and it is important to so that with all elements and all of my past. I realize that I should sort out all elements of my past and clear out all energies that might be causing numbness within my body. I commit myself to go through all elements of my body to clear out all the energies. I commit myself to move though my history of girlfriends to detect any friction or energetic hold ups or sort of emotionally tripping wires and forgive it, and free the energies.

To learn what parts of the body contains what sort of data please investigate :

I would also recommend this blog on porn:

And this program from eqafe:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s