Living words : control
Current allocation: I see that within this word I think of control of myself. I think of controlling something like a bike or a car. I think of having a personal control within and without of myself is precious. I also associate with the ruling hand or ruling force of government and political or other ruling elite of the world. I think it is also very related that If I have control of myself within myself I am then also having good control without of myself. I think that control should be limited and that the system should “float” without friction and that one should not need that many controlling forces at all. I think there is a lack of real control in this world and that the majority of, controllers/police/lawyers/judges are being deluded.
1. to command, direct, or rule.
early 14c., “to check, verify, regulate,” from Anglo-French contreroller “exert authority,” from Medieval Latin contrarotulus “a counter, register,” from Latin contra- “against” (see contra) + rotulus, diminutive of rota “wheel” (see roll (n.)). From a medieval method of checking accounts by a duplicate register. Sense of “dominate, direct” is mid-15c. Related: Controlled; controlling.
Sounding of the word
con – troll – Mocking/deluding the troll. Speaking negative of trolls.
county – n – oil – A country that have oil.
come take the oil – One country robbing other countries its recourses.
negative : fear, judging, blame, guilt, shame, sorrow, anger.
positive: responsibility, change, honest, best for all, make perfect.
Creative writing. This is about conning or making the troll pay its taxes and to share its treasures. The troll have been mocking and scaring us for too long. From nose mythology and fairytale the “troll” – where old “demons” and they often had great treasures and lots of money/gold – that they had stolen from the humans, in hidden caves. The old trolls from the past must be brought out. Like the trolls within finance or war systems and warmongers. Corruption and scams must be exposed and melted in the sunshine like the troll from the fairytale. I realize that today the trolling elite/corrupt elite, is also controlling the controllers/police/judges and that must also change to expose the really nasty troll so that what is best for all can come through. I realize that the ultimate control is no control like the perfect oiled machine that needs no maintenance or repairs. No trolls. That is the kind of system we must create. Where we do not need to be paranoid and controlling with each other. Control must be lived, from within so that one within do not need internal medication or repairs or recovery at all. One must run/live like a perfect machine: the body. And from there inspire others, and create what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take control and to live the word “control” because of how I simply wanted to live my life as a irresponsible person and to not take responsibility for my life and my living and “not give a fuck…”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I become angry when I see that the people in charge , the real demons behind the curtain does not get caught, still, at all, because of lacking control, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry as I notice that the people that are doing the abuse is in control of the controllers and that makes the whole system corrupt and wrong and in need of real control.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad form the poor people and the not informed people of how this world is stitched together, that I would think they deserve to know, where I go into guilt and sorrow because I fear to tell people the honest truth and I start to fear they live in vain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I become angry and sad from seeing that the controllers are violating people’s rights and hurting ordinary and poor people because they are protecting the real trolls and the greedy elite and doing so hurting the poor and the ordinary people with riot police etc..
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could make the perfect system that would be to live the word control where we would not have to be in con – or deluding each other, and there would be no trolls either as we would live in equality and in consideration without abuse and in control.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mind does not want to live in control where I realize that the mind only wants its energies and if I can control myself I will stop the addiction of giving energies to my mind and to rather live in control and without friction/thought/reaction/paranoia/fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that only police can control, where I give into the thinking that we need controlling police when the abuse and the paranoia and the corruption in the very, very center of the “troll” is not being dealt with, and it is not taken into consideration on how for instance all wars are bankers wars and how we are trolling each other all the time in all sorts of situations and relations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would fear to take on to myself control because I would fear to fail and to fall, and to go into judging of myself within this and I would fear to take on to myself and live the word control because I do not want to be seen as different or as special.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can not be in control because I have this diagnosis and label with me from mental hospital and doctors diagnosis of schizophrenia.
When and as I see myself given a chance to live the word control or I face this word, I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that I want to from here on, live this word, and not fear it. I realize that I want make sure the we do create a perfect system like no system based on equality and oneness, and what is best for all. I realize that when I take on word I take on responsibility. I realize that it was a cool experience for me to bring out this word and it feels empowering to work through it. I commit myself to go through words that are possessing me and that I have certain relation to, like a polarized relation to. I commit myself to work through words. I commit myself to live words so that I can live, what is best for all. I commit myself to bring to awareness/forum, words and to expose and defy words. I commit myself to live/write words until there is no friction/reaction/fear/paranoia left in relating to any words.
For more living words check out: http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=147