I realize that I today have some instant fall backs within my mind & living, and within my way of letting things get into my mind, and create a bother out of it. I let into myself grains of sand, issues, I react inside to them with anger. Instead of seeing the pearl wisdom of these things can be, I get irritated and angry. It is like I let into my mind, corns of sand, and I get annoyed and irritated from this, experience. It grows into a bugger of aggression and pain within me.
The corn of sand could be anything. The world system, poverty, crime, abuse, corruptions, etc. I let these corns of sand grow into huge demons for myself. I let these “sand corns” become a war inside me. Where I see myself living as I was 11, 12, or 13 years old and throwing fits against my parents and against the system, doing small crimes and sabotaging society.
I realize that I let these corn of sand become huge conflicts within me. Where I picture myself angry as young man and a child going into adult hood, and into adolescence.
What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.
– June Roca
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I see myself fetching out into the air like I would become mad and angry as a child at my parents and I would fetch and hit through the air with my hands, imaginary, just to prove to myself that I was angry and that I had a fit and rebelling against the system, inn my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the energies of thinking totally paranoid thoughts, that I would hit other people if I was threatened and I would become sad from thinking I cannot be safe and I have to be locked up and drugged because I have rage inside of me from having being a adolescent and from taking on irritation, today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let into myself small tiny bits of thoughts from the outside world and from actual events that I let turn into huge snowballs and avalanches inside of myself, and thinking back at where I was a youth and having behavioral difficulties growing up going into aggression and going into pain and malfunction, illness of self and simply serving mind its energies.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot be with a woman again, because of how I cannot control my emotions, and trust myself, and my aggression, going into inferiority thinking that I am troubled and that I should be alone, completely judging myself from this experience and completely judging myself and my experience that I see is bothering me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my particular memory of throwing a chair into locker inside my old room at my old home, creating a hole in the locker where I was so mad at my parents and the world and system, that I realize that I was becoming more grown up of age and I would be throwing fits and aggression because I did not like what I was facing as growing up and being a human.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would fear the responsibility of being a human growing up and being adolescent, going into the lines of adulthood where I would become fearful and sad because of how I was angry at my parents and the grown up generation for not doing enough to help the world and to heal the pain of the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that anger can solve anything at all, within my world and within my being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at anger as a solution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that anger and spite could do any good like to enlighten others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there could be anything, like the least minute detail of support from anger or from aggression at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other people at my age back then, thinking it would heal my pain and fix my aggression to think of how other kids where doing when I was lost in anger and frustration within my life, realizing that comparing did not help other than placebo.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would think back at being 11, 12 and throwing tantrums around me where I would think that I was not being sane and I was not been treated right from my parents and a caring point of view, and from a point of view that I was not dealt with right, where I see that I project out blame onto my parents and to society and I blame them, when they simply did their best, and I realize that I really blame myself because I was not able to understand back then being 11, 12 etc.. the rules of money. I was not able to understand the rules and the games of money and there for I would blame my parents and the society form not being able to understand the point of money in the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think that it should be a child rights to learn on economics and to learn this old system that we have that is now, so very, very wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so mad with anger that I would fear myself, and that would also be my bridge out of the aggression and into breathing awareness, and to stop the anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and mad because of how I could not seem to forgive my parents for not teaching me on economics back then, but I realize some common sense and I forgive them today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not sane because of my temperament, but I can tune it down and into nothing from breathing awareness and self forgiving of the emotions, and through self application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed how I see myself biting into the air like hungry cat stretching its jaws, that I do in my imagination, to remind myself that I am angry.
When and as I see myself taking on aggression and irritation in my life and in my living, I stop and I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that If I take on irritation like that I am not being responsible with myself. I realize that if I take on reactions and irritation like that I am easy to be bullied and to be mad and angry. I realize that I am best of without anger. I realize that aggression is but the disease. I commit myself to living my life for the best of all. I commit myself to take out and handle all my reactions, anger, sorrow or anything that is making me react energetic. I commit myself to fuel myself with energies and if I produce more than enough energies for myself I can give or fuel others, but firstly I want to give and fuel myself and my body so I can live a life in sufficient energies and not have to blame or judge myself or other but to keep a healthy balance with my everything, so within so without.
When and as I see myself thinking that anger could solve the question or make my day, I stop and I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that anger is nothing but trouble, and really a illness and a bother. I realize that anger and spite are some of the biggest trouble, and challenges to humanity. I realize that I must let go of aggression and irritation, completely. I commit myself to let go of all anger and all irritation, to forgive the emotions and to evolve as a human, and move on. I commit myself to not limit myself with anger, but to deal with issues that might occur and that I face, with self forgiveness and honesty and applications, and to improve myself from day to day living.
Desteni I process
Desteni Stands for Oneness & Equality
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