Day – 549 – Dragging along old dirt / reason for self sabotage.


Since 2002 I have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I have lived as a drug addict, with milder drugs, and also alcohol addiction for many, many years. I have a history, like anyone, as being adolescent and experiencing trouble and drama with growing up being 12 – 19 years old, and experiencing a emotional fuck ride through life and through experiences and war inside.

These memories and this guilt, and old shame, and sorrow, I carry with me from these episodes today. And judge myself with self sabotage and guilt to this day. These are mostly isolated happenings that I have gone through rounds with self forgiveness and I have released the energy component to these happenings.

But within my awareness they are still there, I drag it along, and it is causing me to judge and go into anger. From building emotions from my past, and judging myself. Failing to let go.

This have been and is today reason for my self – sabotage. Having bad thoughts and backchats within my head that I really do not need, and that is not supportive to me at all. It is like I said: self sabotage. I will go through this porridge until it settles and it is calm. Until there is no more self sabotage. I will stir up the foundations of these episodes and these emotions, until it all settles and I can be calm. Get myself out of comfort zone, sort o speak.

I will write about these circumstances ; that I drag with me these emotional rides, until they are all gone and left for good. I will write them all away. I will tell myself everyday that: I lay my past behind me – and I move on.

I commit myself to leave my old stories of emotions, behind me.

We are the change we have been waiting for. It is this time that is OUR time. We can make this into heaven for all. It is a possibility that is here. We can melt all the tanks and all the guns and all the bombs, it is a opportunity that we have. Lets do just that, lest make this place into what is best for all. I call it positive realism. It is living the Jesus message – without becoming religious. It is common sense. Lets forgive our past and; do what is best for all. I commit myself to tell myself that I lay my past behind – everyday for a long time – until the bother is gone. I will prove that I have what it takes. I am life. I life.

Do you have what it takes?

Desteni I process

Desteni Stands for Oneness & Equality

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