Day 519 – Insecure

Insecure broken lock

I notice that I can act insecure. Often when I am planning to do something I am caught up in my own mind and my insecurity over what I am doing. I would doubt what I was doing, had any sense of purpose at all. And if it was a waste of time, starting to think on other stuff that what I was supposed to, or could be doing. And I would start to visualize these things that are not what I was supposed to be doing and I start to project out all these fears and the shame and so on, from my starting point of doubting myself, removing myself from my responsibilities and from doing my chores. From within my mind there would be short circuits, and my brain seams not to collaborate with my body. And I end up actually sabotaging myself with these visualizations and projections within my mind. I get confused and paranoid from these visualizations. And I end up acting insecure from within and I ruin my day and my activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilt or shame from projecting out my shame onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project out paranoia onto others, and judging myself form this relation later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am dependant on projections to be able to think, and imagine that I must project all the time if not I will be doing something wrong and I would be doing a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is normal or ok to project out thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to visualize and imagine this iron platform that I would be think of as shame, that I would bring within imaginations within myself and by bringing it inn I would remind myself of how insecure I can become, on what I was actually doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself insecure over visualizing this shame platform and doing so, ruining my work and what I am planning to do and what I was preparing to do, because I get totally obsessed with my old shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is only self sabotage to have this visualization within me that is making my life difficult within, and that is ruing chores and work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge visualization as bad or negative when it can be cool and supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture my shame as this iron platform that I think is my mind platform and I get all confused on what is what and I become paranoid with fear within and I become angry at myself and I go into backchats and sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into energies over thinking that if I have a visualization then I am fucked, and that visualizations are bad, failing to realize that visualization can be a cool thing it is just that it have been ruined with emotions and sabotage within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have failed in life because I could not understand the interview of atlanteeans that was gifted to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all visualizations as bad and wrong but failing to realize that they can be helpful like when I need to visualize to prepare for new activities like work or chores, and that visualizations are cool to have because they can be a cool guide to what I am about to be doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to plan and actually do something and then I forget what I am doing and I go into stress and fear over my starting point of insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dragged or addicted to project out my shame, to whom – ever and at whatever time, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am being dragged towards this desire to remove myself from my responsibilities and I simply blame it all on shame and I poor it all out within my projecting and visualizing my shame and I judge myself with shame for doing this with me and I simply start a pity party within myself over how I feel shame within my life where I indulge in the pity and the feel good later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one with my shame and my guilt icons or detail and inn stead give into obsessions of them and feel guilty and emotional when I face them.

When and as I see myself acting insecure over details or over fear of ending up in shame, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot go about fearing to end up insecure or inn shame I must in respect of myself leave behind my insecurity and my shame that I have carried for so long. I realize that I must place away from myself my fear and my visualization over the shame that I once felt. I realize that I don’t want to feel it no more. I best leave it behind my shame and to stop studying it like that was only that in my life. I realize that I must be able to move away from shame and stop observing it, and visualizing it like it was a piece of arts. I commit myself to quit studying my shame like it was a piece of arts. I commit myself to let go of my shame and to move on within my life. I commit myself to write out my relationship with arts and to really investigate my relationship with arts.

When and as I see myself standing inn-front of my shame structure or a icon of shame or of guilt I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must get to the point of standing equal and one with my structure and I realize that in order to be responsible with myself I must stand equal and one with my icon or symbol of shame and of any emotional or phenomenal construct at all. I realize that I must be able to stand equal and one with any system component that there is. I commit myself to walk my process so far and to that extent that I can stand equal and one with any icon or symbol there is and that I am living or that I have lived.

Investigate: http://desteni.org/
Check out a free writing course: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Lets delete poverty: http://livingincome.me/
Self perfection: https://eqafe.com/

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