…more on the word sick / my relations to the word sick !
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the word sick is a “cool” word that is used to credit or play on other people, how one is supposed to experience that word, like it is somehow cool to be sick.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into defense mode over other people saying to me that you “Tormod are sick”, and thinking that I must be able to use this word to protect myself and to make sure that this is sort of “my word” that is cool within me, where I see that I become angry or fearful for other people calling me out to be sick and diagnosing me to be sick or deprived, where I feel bullied and I fail to be able to use the word on myself escape from this point of thinking that everything is negative and emotional. When I fall into stressed or depression where I need to call myself sick. And it is in this dimension of emotions that this world becomes cool. And I accept to use it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I fail to realize that I cherish this world “sick” like baby because of how I see that it can benefit me with receiving my welfare check and have a decent life with that income, where I become angry or agitated when others are using it against me that I am possessive with this word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have arranged this word as a favorite would to use in emotional occasions and coincident where I can use it to move within dimensions and within energies.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the backchats that would roam within my mind where I would be saying to myself that “I am not sick” or “I am sick” and “The president of USA” is sick and “The military is sick” and so on, where I define myself after these backchats and I fail to realize that I am actually possessing this word sick within me where I would think to myself that I am the only one that is supposed to be allowed to use this word. I my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the word within my negative experience and my idea that sick is only negative when I can actually experience relief from calling out and saying for instance : “sorry I cannot come today, I am in bed sick”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the judgment within the word “sick” and how I have been calling the system and the politicians or the rulers, especially, of this system for sick, where the outcome of these actions are often wrong and bad and leads to sickness, and I have judged the world leaders, for simply playing their pre programmed part of society.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame the world leaders for being sick and for their specific behaviors and appearance that I would judge as sick and wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge every side and everything that I can possible think of with the system as wrong and a mistake where I fail to realize there is a strength of the system that is cool, and I realize that I must also allow myself to be sick from time to time when I am experiencing stress or discomfort.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word sick more than what I actually need and I would do so to mock and disregard the people or the system that I am referring to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself over using this word very much where I fail to realize that it is will eventually reflecting back at me, physically, where I am at failing to achieve a neutral relationship to this word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot no longer use the word sick because I have miss used it, and by doing so judging myself, because of how I possess this word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the connection between how I have been living with schizophrenia that is a mental disease, and how I have pushed blame from this over at everyone else but myself and by doing so failing to take responsibility for myself and my life, making it a easy and irresponsible solution to push blame on systems and on everyone else where I need to normalize and neutralize my relationship to this world once and for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I need to hide this word within myself
When and as I see myself favorising this word to be one of my favorite emotional words. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am actively favorising this word to be a favorite word of mine as a emotional word that I would cling on to out of wanting to be cool and accepted and creating this range or value system within emotions that are simply valuing some word to be emotions or depressive when they are not and I am simply creating a psychosis out of the event and the possession of words.
When and as I see myself, in a position where I feel sad or stressed or simply out of balance. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I need to normalize my relationship to this word and to be able to use it in situations where I am sad or stressed. I realize that I must gain back my self – confidence with using this word – when I need to in neutral and in suiting situations where I am not feeling well. I commit myself to use this word when it feels normal or suiting and to do so, not cling onto it out of fear.
When and as I see myself going head on and blaming systems for being sick and wrong. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I helped build those systems. I realize that I am as a much part of the system as everyone else and I am as much as of the system responsible as anyone else, as I am all and all is me. I realize that when I blame the system for being sick or wrong I am actually blaming myself and my responsibilities in life. I realize that it is myself that I have been getting at. I realize that it is my life and my responsibilities that I have been getting at and that I need to work with further. I commit myself to include myself more in what I write and what I speak. I commit myself to by including myself do what is best for all, and in common sense awareness promote what is best for all in oneness and equality. I commit myself to live my life within what is best for all and to not separate myself by calling the system or its officials as sick or deprived but rather be solution oriented and to bring what is best solution for all, that can be implied.