Day 493 – I miss my old self

I miss my old self.

I would like to share with you some self forgiveness on how I miss my old self. And how addiction to alcohol opened up within me.

Why self  forgiveness: (video by Bernard Poolman)

Here goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my old life living without responsibility and living a life with drugs and alcohol where I realize that my life may have seemed lighter or more easy to live back then that what it is today, and I realize that I am in fact angry over how I make my life and my chores and tasks to be more difficult and complicated then what it need to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I particularly miss the idea that I could “ride ” in my car into the city and park like a cowboy at a cafe or a pub and order a beer from the bartender and I realize that this is really deep founded within my need or want to drink alcohol again and it is my alcoholism that is having its way with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine and under estimate my alcoholism and my addiction to alcohol to a such a degree that I become angry at myself and my surroundings because of how I suppress it and deny it and I do not want it to show and I become angry within myself with tiny outbursts and cry – outs where I scare myself within like voices in   my head kind of mannerism or behavior.

Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem

Self correction:

When and as I see myself bumping into a old addiction like that with alcoholism and I am denying or suppressing in any matter, l stop and I breathe. I realize that if I experience longing and I am experiencing additional abstinences at all, I must open up and let the “abstinence troll ” out, and clear out my mind from relation to this topic, and I must clear out my body and mind, of its relations and its energy addictions. I realize that I first start a reaction ball or addiction of some kind I must stop it and disarm it if not it can grow like cancer or voices in the head on me. I realize that addiction is not a easy subject and I must allow myself to cooperate with my inside and my emotions and to let them out to see and translate them into words from reading my mind and its content. I commit myself to really slow myself sown to see if there is any other type of addictions or relations that is causing me to be specifically angry or reactive in any given circumstances. I commit myself to open up points of addiction and to live little with my “soul” on the outside where I am open and sharing my past and my addictions. I commit myself to deal with my energy relations within self – forgiveness and self commitments and to stand as a example in equality and oneness for what is best for all.

Thank you for reading.

Check out the links : Have a nice day.

The coolest store in the universe: https://eqafe.com/

Desteni: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk/indentify and work with your illness: : http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lite course : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Delete poverty: http://livingincome.me/

More on my process: http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2567

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