Today as I was doing some shopping I was suddenly caught by this thoughts that I worry too much. I Constantly think what if this happens.. or what if that happens and I go around concerned or paranoid 24/7.
The fear of bad shit happening have been real and it have been a returning problem within me. I realize that this affects me to not have that much fun like I should have had. I realize that in the moment that when I walk down a street and I do not stop for 2 seconds to play air guitar, is two seconds playing air guitar in the streets lost. And I remind myself that, Jesus did mention that “the Marvel of Marvels is the Birth of Life From the Physical.”
What I am trying to tell myself here is that the lesser fun I provide myself with the lesser fun I give to the world. And that is serious shit. The lesser fun I actually have with myself in my spare time or – typically between shopping is actually chances lost to have more fun, and I must not forget that butt I do and I tumble into fear of “what if..” and I simply end up paranoid and in fear when I should have been having more fun. I must not let this thought “what if..” stop me all the time.
I must break free from this patterns of simply judging myself with what if thinking and paranoia from that. If I do stop on the side walk and start to play air guitar for 2 or 3 seconds.. then what? If any reaction at all, I feel certain that people would be chering it and they would like what they see. I would break some ice and I would potantinlay get some friendly words.
I will use self – forgiveness to set free the energies and the limitations I have placed upon myself form this experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thinking and thoughts “what if this ..” and “what if that” I simply can think myself out from this mess when I know that is impossible and only complicates things further and I realize that I feel I end up in this twilight zone of complete paranoia, having to choose between giving into feelings and “think happy thoughts” and I struggle to leave behind me that idea of surfing on a feeling or a positive “ride” that I feel responsible for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not notice that when I give into this positive though and this polarity construct of being positive I am also feeding my negative polarity and my emotions and I realize that what goes on above me also goes on below me. So within so without kind of thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am sorry for not acting out that much when I could have acted out and I could have created fun for myself but I did not and I rather gave it into thought and thinking and almost like I would punish myself and that is not cool.
When and as I see myself standing before a chance to act out funny like playing air guitar or I can do a little dance or something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that whenever I have the chance to birth myself from physical, I should. I realize that I am responsible for not doing that and every second that I am not acting out in a funny or charming way within marvels and wonders I am responsible for not doing exactly that. I realize that I am preventing myself from living and loving when I do not to it and I suppress those idea or those thought of acting out. I commit myself to dare more acting out spontaneously, and I commit myself to dare to be acting out within the marvel of marvels and to act out and sort of promote myself to display me and express me. I commit myself to change myself into being more daring and bold and to act out in public. I commit myself to dare more within acting and being acting out.
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