Day 488 – Mumble when I read.

I tend to mumble when I read. Especially when I read things online. Or from a computer. I go into a sort of state of mind where I mumble and I read inside of myself and mumble just barely giving the words tone, vocal and volume. I rush through it and I do not give the words time to heal me or to inn any ways work with me.

I am sick and tired of reading like this. It brings me down and I am disappointing myself very, very much because of this reading.

Till here no further. I will either read the blog silent inside myself (if I am not alone) or loud on the outside where I can hear it.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

thoughts-90d6436a1fe35f0d2026414bd5e2ec13

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry or sad within myself when I experience that I read something and I do not read loud enough, and I simply mumble within myself the words and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this state of mumbling where I think that it will be alright sooner or later anyways it does not matter what I do, at what speed or what sort of method I read at, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine within my unconscious mind that things will be ok and cool later anyhow and it does not matter at what sort of speed or type of method I use to read , and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for judging myself as week or slow and dumb because I deliberately go into this state of mumbling the words when I read them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself for this typical way to read and this typical way to pronounce words and to read to self like self did not matter and that we are all here like just for fun, and no purpose like test, robots, not real, simply fiction humans anyways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must be dumb to read so mumbling and I must be quite the retard to read so mumbling words to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it does not matter what I do, or how I read when all science shows us that what words we are presented and what sounds that are presented to us really, really do matter and actually have programmed us into present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should need a reward system to start to read out normally again and I would need to credit myself something when I have read something properly and with volume and tone and vocal properly like I know that I can instead of thinking that I am simply dumb or lazy and then simply mumbling through the text and not considering my whole self and my whole practical and physical process of actually changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the backchats going off in my head saying “you cannot even read properly” , “why do you bother trying to read this you retard”, “you suck at reading” ” You are dumb and stupid for trying to read this”. And I would define myself after this backchats and I would let this backchat carry through me and shape me into anger and guilt and shame from mumbling when I read. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project out this backchats over at a and b and when I do that I remove myself from the responsibilities or having this backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself and to think that it does not matter what I do and I do not count that much anyways, and it does not matter what I say or how I read my article or my blog I do not count anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my reaction of picturing myself hitting myself in my face with a flat hand and doing so punishing myself within pictures of my mind when I do not read aloud my blog or my article that I want to read.

When and as I see myself about to read a blog or a pieces of text like a article or something. I stop and I breathe. I realize that if I am alone I would benefit from reading it loud. I realize that It is better if I can read out loud to myself instead of mumbling through the text. I realize that I could reward myself with kind words or intimacy or other ways be reading to myself when I read through a text. I realize that reading a loud text is some of the best therapy that I can give myself and it is some of the best medicine and self support that I can give myself that is to change and to start to live my life again like it was meant to be lived. I commit myself to break free from pre – program and brainwashing and to find myself breathing and living my life here inn oneness and in equality and reading loud. I commit myself to rather read one or two articles or one or two blogs instead of reading 4 or 5 and only mumbling through them. I commit myself to read loud and clear my words that I am presented. I commit myself to read and to use my voice and to stand up within oneness and equality and to forgive myself for transgression.

Thank you . No matter how you read it.

The coolest store in the universe: https://eqafe.com/

Desteni: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk/indentify and work with your illness: : http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lite course : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Delete poverty: http://livingincome.me/

More on my process: http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2567

desteni

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