Day 481 – Fear of work

Fear of Work

all-life-is-equal

I am on governmental pay because of my schizophrenia. I receive a welfare check every month because I do not function that well given the stress and anxiety within social setting and society where I also experience paranoia allot.

Recently I have been experiencing fear because I am having large bills to pay. And I think to myself that “hey I have to little income” and ” I need more income to pay my bills.”

I realize that work could be challenging to me. And I realize that if I should experiencing a psychosis or loads of stress at work I do not know how I would handle it.

I will anyhow talk to people at the local fountain house to try to find work.

I have decided to apply for a call assistant work.

I realize that I have fear related to going to work and participating with work.

I will work through this here with self forgiveness.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear applying for work because the application process is so long and demanding where I think to myself that I do not want to go through all that stress to fill out all these papers and thinking that I would rather juts want the job directly failing to realize that the institution or business needs this sort of paper work and applications to find the best workers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will have blackouts in work and I would have to go through allot of stress and anxiety at work because I would think of myself as sensitive to energies and words and stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into these backchats within my mind saying “no I could not function in a working situation like that” and “I do not function that well to suit into this role within this work” and “I am a failure” where I would let these thoughts define me and I would later project these thoughts onto work buddies and by doing so thinking that I am no longer responsible for my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I fear that failures and mistakes that I have done in the past during work and also in my free time, that these memories would come back and haunt me later in my life because I had not forgiven then properly and I had not changed in accordance to them enough and to what is possible for me to do and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would not want to go into the trap of desiring girls at my work and I would have to make sure that I do not participated in that kind of thinking because it would not benefit no one and I would have to correct myself later and If that should happen that I should desire girl at work I would have to stop and breathe and stabilize and not take part inn those thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear work because I would fear not to be given work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear work because I am not used to work.

When and as I see myself ending up with this thought that I fear work. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I simply have to jump into it If I want work. I realize that I would have to trust myself to grab my chance of applying for work and asking people to help me find work. I realize that there might be challenges for me if I find work but as long as I stay here as breathe and simply let go of fear and move on I will be ok. I commit myself to seize the day and to push myself to find a work that I could like. I realize that this could be a new starting point for me and I realize that I must push myself to manage to find the “key” to my work.

Set yourself free

Check out the links.

The coolest store in the universe: https://eqafe.com/

Desteni: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk/indentify and work with your illness: : http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lite course : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

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