Day 479 – From rock bottom – stabilizing myself into self responsibillity.

How I started to gain on self responsibility.

So far my adult life have been very chaotic and very much filled with abuse. It was not until May 2012 that I was able shake of the abuse of substance and energies related to it. Through saying self forgiveness a hundred times of more to myself, to quit my substance abuse and gradually gain control my myself again. Gain responsibility in my life.


This year I have been taking blood and urine samples of myself for almost 3 years with the doctor recommendation to do so. In order to gain confidence and to take responsibility with my life aga in. Gradually I was able to stand up and live my life again. To step out of mind living and into real life.

Before this I was being judged out of order to drive my car, I lost my driver’s license. I was doing substance abuse to provoke and I was never far from trouble in general.

I learned that if I was going to get anywhere I had to reach for agreement and to be straight with myself and I had to be straight honest with people that could in some way or another help and sort out my shit sort of speak. My baggage was full of crap, and I needed to empty out. Self forgiveness made this process safe and sound. Self forgiveness was, and still is my key out of abuse and conflict.

I lost most all my rights, I lots my farm, my apartment and my freedom. I was forced into a corner. I was a mad animal screaming. It was not nice. I realized that I had to start taking responsibility for myself with how I lived my life. I needed to gain control of myself again. I had to get my head above the water or else I would drown.

This winter I have been taking blood and urine samples of myself for 3 years just to make sure that I stay drug and alcohol free. Doctors recomendations. I have agreed to talk with a nurse every week. This stability have helped allot on my mental and physical well being. I talk to a nurse every week and let her know how I am doing and what is on my mind. Today I also attend anonymous alcoholics and anonymous drug addicts meetings. I also go to gym to work shit out, physically with my body. My life is changed totally. My life today is filled with support and what is best for all solutions. Gone is substance and energy abuse and damaging addictions.

Vintner 2012, and I was back at my mothers and my father care. I had as I said lost the small idyllic farm and my apartment. My car and most all my dignity. It was a cold winter and it was 2012 and very many people were screaming “apocalyptica”,” it is our ascension time” and so on. It was cuite a mad time.

I had just managed to come home from hospital and I had managed to stabilize myself within the care of my parents. I started my process with desteni I process that winter, and from January 2012 and until the summer of 2012, and further to this day, I engaged more and more with using the tools of desteni and the help that is provided from desteni programs. On a parallel I would be engaging with talk to my doctor, receiving my medication and talking to a community nurse.

To step out from that old mind – zombie – existence is a great change  for me. To realize myself as the potential I am and all that I can achieve.


I was taking my medication, because of my longtime and extensive substance abuse. And I take this medication because of how easy I slip into possession of the mind and of energies. I giving of, urine samples and blood samples to fulfill my agreement with my doctor. My doctor and I established a good relationship and we still have. I managed with his help to have my drivers license back and I also bought myself a car.

I was engaged with the non government organization WSO (we shall overcome) and I started to work more and more with them to participate with seminars and courses and conferences to learn more on the field of psychiatry and rights. I was gradually taking more and more control of my life again. I was taking back the responsibility of myself again. I was again establishing a safe from sound life style with establishing self communication with help of the tools of desteni that it provides me with. I getting with myself more and more cool routines in my life and I would speak to myself more and more self forgiveness. Into a daily basis.

I gained and I am still gaining on responsibility for every meeting and agreement I am on time and for every self forgiveness that comes out like rime…

As I said I was at rock bottom, in all sorts of trouble and the I was saved by the psychiatric health industry and most of all by my parent because they pulled me back into care.

And it is my own pushing through taking my medication, writing this, saying self forgiveness, not accepting drug abuse or alcohol abuse within my own body no more and it is through this effort that I have gained and still to this day gain self respect and self responsibility and control of myself again.

I was so very, very lost and almost dead. But I was saved and it was my own will power and strength to push through to engage with medication, talks to doctor and talks to nurses that saved me. I could not have done it on my own. To me self responsibility is team work and also hard work.

Getting back “on top” of my life again have made me realize lots and it still it making me realize lots. I work with the tools of everyday and I recomend for you to do the same. Today I still have lost to learn and responsibility to take within my life. There is still lots that I have to write out and say to myself. I am getting there and this is a god start. With self forgiveness I am keeping my head above the water.

Check out the links:

The coolest store in the universe:


Walk the talk/indentify and work with your illness: :

Lite course :

Delet poverty:

Thank you for reading.


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