Day 473 – Relating to drugs/medications.

The other day I had a reaction on Facebook where i stated how I would like to withdraw from medications. I realize today that this is not just some simple task and the picture is more complicated that i first would think. Here goes:

I realize that I have fear and judgments with taking my medications. I judge and blame people that support me taking my medication, and I judge and blame people that promote the medication and the drug company Eli Lilly specifically. That is the company that produces my medication. I realize that my medication is supporting me , but I ignore it and suppress it with my ideas that I would do much better without my medication. I realize that it is wrong to judge my doctor and the company because they do what they are programmed into thinking and doing. They simply act and work how they are designed to do. They live their pre – programmed lives. And my doctor only does what he find best for me to do.

I will work through self forgiveness to release the energies and the judging/fear/beliefs in relation to taking my medications.

olanzapi

This molecule is what is injected into my butocks every 14 days.  It keeps me clear of most psychosis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the producers and the promoters of my medication and for judging my doctor that promotes this drug to me, and for thinking that he is making me addicted and where he recommends that I take this drug and I go into judging and fear and beliefs thinking I will end up like I was some years ago in drug addiction, out of fear from being a addict to drugs like i was before and thinking it is the same now, failing to realize that this is a totally different sort of addiction, with taking this drugs zypadhera today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to people and activists and scientist when that see that drug addiction is so dangerous and how they scare me with their numbers and their statistics where I go into reactions and I start to judge my doctor and I start to judge the pharmacy company that produces my drug simply from reading and watching videos on drug industry and medications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my fear/judgments/belief that the pain that I feel in my back is related to taking my drugs and how I feel the pain because I take my drugs, I start to think this back pain of mine is related to taking my drugs and I start to feel the pain and I think “oooh no there is my pain from my medication again” and “oh shit there is my pain from the drug again” sort of backchats that I would project out at A, or B and doing so removing myself from the responsibility of having the backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame the doctor because of how I think he is making me into something that I do not want to be, an addict and I forget how sick I can become when I do not take my medication and how I need them for quite some time still.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to become a drug addict because I think back at how difficult my life was back then when I was a drug addict from weed, hajjis and alcohol addiction, and I would be afraid of how my life could evolve into something like that I would not like and into something that I would fear from thinking of my drug addiction drama days and life that I used to live with substance abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with withdrawal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become totally obsessed with quitting my drugs and with going of my medications because of other peoples stories and reading about the damages and long term effects of drugs where I go into blame and judging/fear/belief over my doctor and I go into judging and blame over the drug company and I end up with thinking “my life would be so much better without drugs” and “if I did not take drugs I could have decent work” and “I should live a drug free life”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the fears/beliefs/judgments I have in relation to taking my drugs and the drug label zypadhera, where see how I envy people that have done withdrawal and I would like that for myself to, and I fail to realize that now is not the time for this, yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go intro reactions and judging myself and my doctor  and Eli Lilly  when I read about other peoples withdrawal  stories and thinking I will not be as cool as them and I will not be that cool and lucky as these people are and judging myself because I today take medications and going into judgement and reaction because I simply need some medications to help me in my everyday life and i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame from the procedure of reciving this shot in my butocks every 14 days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judging over backchats like “weirdo” or “freak” because I am open with how i take medication to improve my life and my mental state.

When and as I see myself going into fear or judgments or beliefs over the drugs I take or the company Eli Lilly. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I go into this judging and blaming of my doctor and of the drug company because of how I envy people that have done withdrawal and they can live without drugs, and I would like that for myself to. I realize that I have to continue to live with my drugs for quite some time, and I realize that I will have to take my drugs for some more time and to have dialog with my doctor on taking drugs. I commit myself to have a open and supportive dialogue with my doctor where I can discuss everything with him, and I commit myself to have and establish this relationship with my doctor and to listen to his advice.

When and as I see myself ending up in the evol circle of blaming and judging doctors and companies that produce drugs to me. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I take only one drug and that drug is good for me. I realize that I am better off on this drug than without for quite some time still. I realize that I need to get over my obsession with withdrawal because it is not supporting to me at all to have this obsession. I commit myself to talk openly to my doctor and to have a supportive and honest dialogue with him. I commit myself to be honest and to listen to my body when it comes to being a former addicted. I commit myself to listen to peoples advice and to listen to people that have experienced or expertise on this sort of issues.

Check out the links.

The coolest store in the universe: https://eqafe.com/

Desteni: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk/indentify and work with your illness: : http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lite course : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Thank you for reading.

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