Day 466 – Just sitting here…

Just sitting here staring out into the air…

Losing my mind to madness and having my alarm bell going of telling me not to go completely insane and remember to breathe and be here. Stabilize myself here as breathe and keep cool. I caught myself, staring out into the air and eventually going paranoid simply for staring at my plants. I am searching everyday I search for things within and without, to fill my blog with. And it is right there in front of my nose.

I realize that I was just now, sitting here, staring out into the air and going paranoid of not finding anything in particular to write. And I decided to write about just that: I have nothing to say. I lock myself down and start to suppress my impression and when that piles up, I suppress my reactions. Eventually going paranoid with emotions.


I will dedicate this blog to the idea that ” I have nothing to write about” – and to the paranoia that arises within me as I start to accumulate energies from the back of my mind to start series of thoughts. Staring the ferris wheel and squeezing out thoughts and backchats. I realize that I start to gather energies to start series of though from the starting point of simply finding nothingness and then going paranoid from doing that. There is nothing there, and neither am I. And Inn this moment I discover that I do not exist and doing so failing to realize that I exist twice as much or 100 times as much because I convince myself that I am nothingness.

Wow ! How is that possible ?

I stumble through my world and I come to imagine or experience myself as nothingness. How did that happen ? Well first I think it is vital to know that spiritually or should I say with mindful awakening that I have been going through the last 2 years and 3 months going drug free and from my participating with my desteni I process and my working everyday with self forgiveness. I go through changes – into awareness. And so it is to realize that through years of saying self forgiveness and correcting my path, I discover myself as nothingness. From steady and consistent work and participation and chores. With and through self – forgiveness. Nothingness is where we came from it is a natural part of us we have simply separated us from it for ages.

I face myself as nothingness within nothingness. What it means is that I am “facing nothingness” – I am providing myself with quite unlimited amounts of power or possibilities actually. I give myself lots of doors to open up. I give myself the chance in life to love. I grant myself the possibility to become a example of nothingness for others to follow to be the living change that we all have been waiting for. To save life and this earth from greed and human systems.

I go into nothingness and I start to realize that I have lots of power and I have lost or reasons to be and to live – instead of going paranoid and depressed with the amount of work that needs to be addressed in this world, from gathering up energies and hurt, to start series of thoughts or backchats and imaginations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as lucky for discovering this “entering nothingness” within myself as I create this polarity picture that I am helping others and being this Jesus character that is cool and loves everyone where I need to ground myself and come down to earth and be here as life. Still as nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into energies and starting to compare myself to being within nothingness and having second or paranoid experiences about entering nothingness as myself and I fail to realize and grasp that I am still here on this earth and how I should find more things to do within my life that makes sense and that is supportive, like swimming or football, drawing or making vlogs, hand massage and other types of cognitive training. And physical support.

When and as I see myself imagining myself of having this experience of being within nothingness and taking on a idea or meaning of nothingness. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am just barely lifting the canvas here to see what this really is. Or what it is not. And I realize that I am exploring this new territory and I will enjoy doing so and I use common sense solutions and to use what is best for all mannerism within exploring this experience of nothingness. I realize that nothingness is giving me lots of possibilities within my life and my world. I realize that my experience of being within nothingness have always been there from the beginning of time. I realize that nothingness is a natural part of me and that I should nurture it as best as I can. I commit myself to be here as breathing grounding myself on the planet or in my society and to be here as life and to be here as solutions, slowing myself down and breathing. I commit myself to live within this experience of nothingness and to write and share about my experience within it. I commit myself to give my body the attention it naturally needs to function it s best in relation to nothingness.

The coolest store inn the universe:


Walk the talk :

Delete poverty:

Thank you for reading!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s