I was listening to this interview by Anuaki from eqafe.com :
https://eqafe.com/p/comparison-competition-reptilians-part-219 – about competing and comparing.
I decided to start a series on competing and comparison. This is the first in a series where I see myself inn competition and comparison.
Part one : Shopping grocer’s.
What goes on inside myself when I shop at the grocer’s store ?
It strikes me, that ,my competing, and comparing is so remarkable and so heavy integrated within me during shopping and it is literally devastating how it effects on others around me. This was the part that surprised me the most with this above interview. How comparison and competition grows so strong that it affects others around me.
My competing and comparing leads to backchats , voices in the head, ideas, pictures, personalities, hallucinations, fear and sudden desires. To mention some. And I have been walking and breathing within a suppressed mind construct of competing on particularly shopping. It is remarkable what landscape that evolves within me when I stretch out this construct of going to the supermarket and being at the supermarket and everything is connected and interwoven within this. It have remarkable impact and remarkable effect on me and also on others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into my mind construct and entering my “I am going to shop” backchats and mind construct where I realize that I am going into comparing and competition already before I leave the house to drive to the supermarket and I start this endless line of backchats and conflict inside of me from stress and judgment where I stress that I am going to shop and that I have to get it done with, and I am aware that I enter this mind construct of comparing and competing with simply being at the supermarket.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on this “I am a better and more conscious aware shopper then you are” – internal conversation that goes on and within my mind where I prepare myself to go into the supermarket and I prepare my already don role of being superior and being inferior to other shoppers where I have these backchats, like: “I can shop better and more consciously aware than you” and comparing myself to them, creating this idea that I am more aware and I am better shopper compared to what I shop and how I act in the supermarket, because I shop more ecological, and better food and I have these backchats going off in my head like: “I am in my special gifted position to shop my groceries'” where I end up in this superior role to other shoppers and I think to myself that my consume is in any matter better than others and less polluted and more supporting to everyone, and I would place myself within this role of being a better consumer just like the cooperate wants me to think making me dumbed down with bad feelings from consuming and at the same time thinking that I am the greatest consumer and buyer of groceries’ that exist from my choice of groceries’. Pleasing the cooperation’s and giving all my energies and money to consuming.
I fo6rgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these desires or ideas, towards people in the supermarket that I bump into or from who I ask of advice and I would compare my words and my pictures and my energies that I present to them when I create these ideas and these characters from people in the supermarket and I realize that I am creating these false and unnecessary needs and desires to make my experience of shopping into a better experience and to create a false experience of consuming into a role of fun and exciting experience, like I am creating a experience out of consuming and of telling myself sweet lies about how other people shop and how I am superior to them with for instance picking tomatoes where I go into thinking that “I would know for real how to pick tomatoes” and “others (you) don’t know shit about that”- backchats, I know how to feel the tomatoes and I would know the best way to shop tomatoes and no one knows that better than me – backchats where I have this suppressed role of mine on how I compare myself to other when I shop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the moment when I face eye contact with other people at the supermarket and I realize that I am comparing myself to them and I am trying to win a competing within myself pleasing my ego by telling myself in these fraction of a second that “I am superior to you” and “I know what I am shopping to a greater extent than you do”, and “I will be paying and leaving this supermarket before you are” and “I will be outside heading home before you” – backchats that I would project on to the CEO of the supermarket or to people in the bank or to other people removing myself from the responsibility of having these backchats within a fraction of a second when facing other people at the supermarket.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I see that I am touching into my egoism and to selfishness on how I experience backchats because I stress and I go into inferiority where my backchats are suppressed and my backchats are ignored creating this selfish desire to be a better consumer totally selfish and just what the cooperate world of consuming wants me to feeding the system its energies and feeding the system with my selfishness, and the system loves it.
When and as I see myself planning or thinking that I will go to the supermarket. I stop and I breathe. I realize that unless I slow myself down and really take my time with everything that I do within the supermarket – experience I am going into stress and conflict from comparing myself to other shoppers. I realize that unless I really slow down and take my time with every part of the shopping experience and really learn myself over again to shop, I would go into stress and conflict within my mind and thinking I would have to force myself to compete with the other consumers and shoppers because I have been designed that way I have been programmed that way. I commit myself to really slow down my whole experience of shopping and to hang my shopping routines out to dry for a while so I can study them and learn myself maybe some tricks or some skills when shopping.
When and as I see myself standing in a supermarket and I am about to give into stress or conflict over how I act and what it is to do in the supermarket, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to really slow myself down to restart my learning to shop experience. I realize that I have to bring myself totally to the ground to learn myself over again hoe to shop and how to be a shopper and consumer all over again. I realize that I have to step down from my high horse of stress and desire and competing and slow down to face myself in a supermarket again and really take my time so I do not go into competing “mode”. I commit myself to walk fully out my competing character and to bring light to my experience of shopping and of being at the supermarket. I commit myself to study myself in real time as I slow myself down and bring light to my situation of being a shopper.