Relationship to Words: Consistency
I realize a pattern within myself from this the recent days on the word consistency. For example I signed up for a drug free camp at an island south in Norway, it was to last for 6 days and have focus of being drug free. After 3 or 4 day I was tired from the experience and wanted to go home. I felt agitated and irritated from small and meaningless stuff. And this is very typical of me. How I sign up for something and I realize that after a while I regret the whole experience. I realize that half way through I become restless and irritated and wanting to end my participation with the program. I realize that this is something that keeps returning within me. And it is a part of me actually choosing abuse or choosing a wrong path. I am giving into transgression and making up alternatives and excuses to quit or leave a program. It is like I sell myself short and give up after having tried for some short time. It is like a character of resign or quitting. Not pushing through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into transgression over petty things like a wrong word or stress or stepping out of my routines and doing something not expected and feeling unsecure or nude at a time off the event.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let reactions and self-sabotaging take over me and I present to myself the opportunity of choice and I give myself the opportunity or choice and choosing other opportunities in my path, and this is where I fail to realize that If I go according to plan, for me within common sense and what is best for all. This is the path that I choose and this is the path that I will walk. Common sense, what is best for and equality and oneness is what is in the cards or within the path that I will walk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I have failed to take responsibility for myself and doing what is best for all, and then suddenly give into reactions and transgression and taking away responsibility and what is best for all away from my awareness and by doing so I blame other people around me, like A, B, or others, and I create this blame game onto other around me from failing to take responsibility for the life that I have chosen to live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that consistency is related to religious or schooling and boring things like religious practice and religious mannerism.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed I to think that consistency is bad or wrong where I fail to realize that consistency could be fun and educative and that I could learn from being consistent.
When and as I see myself wondering if I should participate on something like an event or a weekend etc. I stop and I breathe. I realize that if I am in doubt on when or if I should participate on something I should write down pro and against list. I realize that meetings, gathering and weekends are cool opportunities to meet other people and to become friends with other people and to gain responsibility and gain self-confidence through consistency. I commit myself to being consistent and I commit myself to do what is common sense and what is best for all in consistency. And that all my actions and activities are supposed to be consistent and are supposed to be within what is best for all and common sense mannerism.
I commit myself to when I move from one activity to another to always move to what is best for all, and what is commonsense, in equality and oneness.
When and as I see myself at a gathering or an activity like a weekend at somewhere and participating with this activity, and I start to grow irritation or restless. I stop and I breathe. I realize that practicing consistency is good for me. And I realize that if I have first chosen to participate on something I might as well finish it out and complete my participation with it. I commit myself to push through and to do what is expected of me and to complete my participation with a programmer and a plan. I commit myself to at all times, do what is best for all in equality and oneness.