Day 438 – Directing thought

Directing thoughts   & letting go of self judgment

Thought to direct:

Thought: “Don’t be so disappointed if you do not make it”Image

 

 

I realize that this thought is a part of a self judgment sabotage programmed that lives deep within me. I will work on self forgiveness on this specific thought but also on the topic of self judgment and self blame.

 

I realize that this kind of backchat is tearing my world apart. I realize that I have extensive lots of backchats like this. I want to free myself from the self judgment. I want to free myself from the judging and self blame and the sabotage, and stop the backchats like that. This kind of backchat have been tearing down myself trust. And my self confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of this thought “Don’t be so disappointed if you do not make it” where I am experiencing that I am judging myself because of how I create this idea that I am born to have great successful life when I fail and I feel like everything that I do is fault and a mistake.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed and confused when I experience this kind of thought that is simply ruining my life and my life expectations, and tearing my world of confidence apart and creating mistrust within me where I end up in self judging and blaming myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my starting point of wanting to achieve something within my life like I want to become better at what I do and perhaps even take a study course and learn something new where I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to sort of fall or trip over words like paranoia and fear or emotion or this thought that I am directing and I realize that I have to direct it or I am not going anywhere within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to notice the fear within this sentence because I do not know what “it” represents, and then I do not know what I am missing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the second fear within this sentence that is simply fear of dying , and I realize that the sentence may actually sound threatening and scary.

 

 

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project out that I will face this point of paranoia tomorrow or later and to create this huge big spot within me filled up with projections that I should deal with and that I have been projecting that I plan to do next day or later.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the reason why I am and as fail to see that reason why I am, I fail to be here as breath and I fail to remember to love all being as one and to give love equally and so I forget to live my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking on new roles like work or chores within my life where I fear to take on more responsibility and more chores within my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am special and that I need special service and for starting to compare myself with other destoninans or other people, and by doing that I am creating distrust within me thinking I can never do that shit and omg look how cool he have made his blog, making myself into a looser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not been able to realize or fully understand that it is from my starting point of jealousy that I am going into this trap of mind and of possessing this thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and create this pattern of reaction within my head where I think that I am simply paranoid and I am simply sick and it will pass and projecting all this out to be done some other day.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been mind fucking myself with this thought and I have been fooling myself and deceiving myself and sabotaging myself with thinking this thought and sabotaging myself trust and myself confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look into the starting point of this thought and trying to find that trigger point of where I realize that it is jealousy that is the starting point of this thought, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself what I might be able or supposed to be doing with the thought, and I fear to go into it because I fear to let the thought further attach to me , as I investigate it, and I realize that jealousy is its the starting point.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and call for this thought “Don’t be disappointed if you do not make it” I stop and I breathe. I realize that this thought comes because I am starting to look into jealousy, and I start to give into jealousy and thinking how come I am still not on the farm in South Africa and thinking that it is my turn and envying others that go there, failing to realize that I am walking into a trap and as I do taking on this thought of ” don’t be disappointed if you do not make it.”- and letting the thought possess me. I realize that this have been a though possession that have been going on for a long time because I can look back at my life and recall it on several occasions months back.

 

I realize something about self forgiveness here. And that is how I have had this other sort of jealousy on other people having homes, jobs, cars, children etc, the life that seam normal and I realize that I have my life and I can develop and change into quite allot thanks to self forgiveness, and I can improve myself and learn new and different skills with myself and improve my life situation, and use this as a reason to do just that. Realizing that most people are stuck in their bubbles of pre-programed and matrix reality. I realize that this thought possession have been very dominating to me in my mind. I realize that my starting point of jealousy have made it worse. I realize that hidden beneath this lies a opportunity to study or achieve something or some skill, and I realize to myself as I reveal and take of mind layers and thought patterns and emotions and feelings that then opens up doors every time and it opens op opportunities every time that I work on the self forgiveness on these points within my life.

 

I realize that I must direct this thought as it is creating fear within me and I must direct this thought into somewhere because it is simply not doing any good, where it is, and I have to make sure that it is dealt with in a real and proper manner, and I realize that if I don not stop it from occurring it will create more hell.  

 

 Image

Self forgiveness, seeing myself as a looser.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself because of my old relationship, to porno where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go back to my former mistakes and I drag myself very far into the dirt by giving into my internal conversations and my backchats that tell me that ” I suck” or that “I am such a looser” and so on, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fictions and lies within my mind from simple pictures where I present this fiction or this picture and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on energies that is connected to these pictures and make the lies a live “show” within my head. Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and crate this fiction drama of guilt and shame within my head from connecting energy to pictures and by so creating backchats and internal conversations where I tell myself that I am not worthy of anything cool, or nice at all. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and drag myself down in the dirt of blame and guilt because I give into the backchats and I start believing it and living it by constantly physically and mentally judging myself and creating my life into hell from this pictures that I sett life to in a matter of speaking or a creates pieces of fiction where I tell myself that I am no good etc. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for the moment where I give into this fiction where I by the lies and start to create backchats within my head and within my mind falling for the trap of mind and heading into possession of thought and backchats.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need something like a energy or a girlfriend or a sweets or drugs etc, to for fill my empty need from not judging myself and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still fall for the old backchats and internal conversations that would tell me that I need a girl friend or that I need drugs or sweets at all. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must fill this space within me with something smart or something cool and I start to feel all stressed about that matter. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because I am stressing and because I feel like I have not time to lose. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because I feel like must give that place or empty space something like mater or energy to be myself with blame again.

 

When and as I see myself going into my mind and I automatically turn of the self-judgment switch I stop and I breathe. I realize that my life would be very much better without self judgment and I realize that I have to stop the cycle of self judging , it cannot go on. And I realize that I must not feel obligated to fill that space with something because the danger that I do the same mistake again is to big. There really is no extra space unless I make it. And I realize that I must live in my physical the changes that I want to be without self judgment. I realize that I must prove to myself in physical that I can live without self judging. I commit myself to stop the self judging from my physical. I commit myself to delete self judging from my mind and from my head and my world and I commit myself to stop feeling like I have to fill the empty space with something nice or cool or special. I commit myself to clear out the demons and to clear out all the backchats from within my head and my mind. I commit myself to live this changes in physical.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and telling myself that I do not count and I do not measure at all, how I do not pull my own weight. Like I am to lintel or to small because of my relationship to money where I think that I have to little and I create this desires and artificial, need for something that I do not have and that I would like to have and crying out that I would like more and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself within my thoughts and within my mind where I tell myself that I am such and loser or a bum because I have to little income per month, and I start to imagine and stress about finding work and I start to stress and calculate my future, so that I am judging myself and burying myself within stress and backchats and internal conversations, where I tell myself that I need to find a job to make more money and by doing so supposedly acting more normal or according to pre-programm.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act more normal because of this voice in my head that would be telling me that I am not normal enough. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I do not think normal and that I think outside of the box and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of how I act or how I dress and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on self blame and guilt from not living up to this shape or this measurements of being normal and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the energies form within my mind where I end up with creating backchats within my head telling me that ” I am m a freak” and telling me that ” I am a monster or “not normal” creating judgment and blame within my mind and within my living, judging myself severely and without thinking of consequences.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize or fully understand that unless I live these changes in physical it is no good and no point at all to write all this and unless I am able to act out physical and live my life according to these changes the writing is no good. I realize that I have to live the changes that I place upon myself. I realize that they must be lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could hide behind fear or ideas or desires within my mind because I would start to think that I cannot live these changes and I do not have the power to push myself to these changes. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must live these changes it is crucial that I do. And I commit myself to stop all sorts of judging and blame within myself and start to live my life.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and starting to judge myself I stop and I breathe. I realize that I need to live my life in the practical manner that life is to be lived by, and not to judge or blame myself.    

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind and create this reactive pattern where I judge myself and blame myself because of my experience of how society is screwed together, with its completeness of mistakes.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to think of the consequences when I judge myself and blame myself and I leave out to think of consequences within my life.  

I commit myself to live these changes and to push myself if I need to and to see through that I will end all self judgment within myself.

 

 

When and as I see myself going head on into the mind trap of self judgment I stop and I breathe. I realize that when I take on this reactive programmed of thinking in my little box of mind where I crumble together and start to think I am but reacting , it is taking possession within me. I realize that if I walk into a mindset that is setup to have me reacting and thinking it is in itself a possession and it will make me have thoughts where I judge myself it is better that I do not judge myself , and avoid to go into the trap. It is better to avoid to go into this trap of the mind and rather live, and let mind be mind in peace sort of.

 

I realize that if I am supposed to be living my life and being responsible I must have peace with my mind, and it is not if I am ma taking on possession of thoughts and imaginations. I realize that I must create routines to avoid the trap of mind and to walk around it if I have to. And to live in peace with my mind. And I realize that the lesser I give into mind the better, and that I can use the mind as a tool if I need to but else it is juts there controlling me and that have to stop. I commit myself to live my life with using the mind as a tool when I need it and to stop letting it decide how I live my life. I commit myself to live my life in peace with my mind and not let me fuck to much with mind and not to let mind fuck to much with me either. I realize that myself judging comes solely from participating heavily with my mind, and it is there for important to clear all energetic reaction to mind. I commit myself to try to create peace with my mind and also at the same time be aware my mind and I commit myself to avoid going into the mind possessions and its readymade traps of energetic addictions. I commit myself to stop my mind energy addictions one by one, step by step. Until it is done. I commit myself to live in peace with my mind. I commit myself to the idea that so above so below thinking of equality and of equal share to everyone. I commit myself to be one and equal to anything that I may meet come to my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

Investigate: http://desteni.org/
Check out a free writing course : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Lets delete poverty: http://livingincome.me/
Self perfection: https://eqafe.com/

Thank you for reading !

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